these are clips of "shaping moments" in my life

       summers were my favorite. all the kids in the neighborhood would crowd around and the older kids would organize games. capture the flag, baseball, football, flashlight tag, water balloon fights. we were never bored. none of the kids were my age. there was a group of about ten older kids and another group, about the same size, of younger kids. no one wanted me on their team. i wasn’t any good. actually, i have no idea if i was good, because i was so consumed with the fear of failing, i couldn’t focus. still, they let me play and i reveled in their permission.
       every now and then, an event would happen that made me feel so left out it would warrant my mom’s attention. she would often comfort me by telling me that she also had a hard time making friends. that my dad was her only friend. all the girls liked him. but he thought she was more beautiful than any other girl. i wondered if i would be that lucky.  
       there was one older boy who was nice to me. now and then he took an interest and would ask me questions. often it was just to persuade me to sneak snacks from my house. but i didn’t care. i would do almost anything to keep his confidence; as calculated as it was.
one day we were all on the porch, taking a break from our game when he carelessly mentioned, “you know Ashlee, one day, you’re going to be really pretty.” every part of me felt brighter. i could not wait for the day.